Deciding to honor my talent for taking care has been a private decision; partly because I am still trying to convince myself that "taking care" is a talent. I'm struggling with "lot in life" vs "talent". "Lot in life" sounds suspiciously like a cross to bear and "talent" sounds a bit indulgent.
In any case I am running with it. In the animals I found a medium that doesn't punish that talent, why the hell would I walk away from that? Well for one care taking professions do not traditionally generate much of an income. Financially speaking it might even be considered stupid. The bitch of that is, I'm not money motivated. Don't get me wrong I don't want to be broke by any stretch of the imagination however dollar signs waving in the air don't motivate me to do much. When I have followed the money, I've ended up unhappy. When I've let the money happen, I've been happy. Simple when written, makes perfect when written, hell it's almost admirable when written. In practice, some people might say it's stupid.
I almost don't want to give voice to what I really want to do with the rest of this life, it seems so fragile an idea at the moment. I can barely touch it without fear of disturbing it. It's an odd sort of analogy however I am reminded a little of the moment Joshua was finally in my arms and we were alone deciding if in fact he was going to be saddled with a very young, very single mom for the rest of his life. The moment was so private, so horribly personal, had anyone been privy to it before I had come to accept this new life (mine not his) I might not have had the strength to believe in it.
It's a little like that now; slowly I am accepting the idea, slowly I am coming to terms with the decision that was made but still doesn't quite have a proper voice.
The ultimate goal is a free retirement facility for horses. It's a lofty goal. It's so lofty in fact that the plans on how to get there are a lot like a blackberry tangle. I don't want to rescue exactly, I want to provide a home for the older ones, the ones that don't have a "job" anymore, the ones that are ready to semi or fully retire.
People don't always have the means to support a horse that can do little more than hang out offering little more than the occasional walk trot. They are expensive and as they get older, more so. I see ads all the time, people giving away old horses for "companion" purposes, or ads for horses that are older and can only handle light riding. Even the rescues in the area could use a place that takes the horses that are beyond regular/full rehabilitation, if only to make room for the horses that are not. A quick search of craigslist before this post found six horses (in the immediate area) looking for homes where they can retire...
Of course, it is a lofty goal and one that refuses to turn me into a millionaire. With any luck, somewhere in the blackberry tangle is the key to making it work.
The Final Post
4 months ago
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