The reality, or horrors, of loving a horse person

I ran into someone I know at the grocery store this evening. She was a fellow horse person that I rarely saw outside of a barn environment. While we were standing there, each in our respective lines, she reached up and found hay in her hair and remarked about the same. I was just glad to finally see someone in line, aside from myself, with hay in her hair!

It's a common theme if you're around horses, so is mud and smelling like horse poop (I personally don't think horse poop smells like much but some people obviously disagree, who knew?!). I suppose it's no fun to cuddle up to someone that has hay in her hair, mud on her shoes, horseshit on her gloves, and doesn't even care! However, that doesn't touch the true horrors of being a friend or loved one of a horsey person, by that I really mean an animal person. It's not all about the horses ya know, sometimes it's about the dog!

I can't imagine what life is like for people around me. I am a very patient person, I'm a very caring person, and I have a crazy ability to be objective in nearly every situation. I am loyal, trustworthy, don't gossip (as much as I could), don't hit, or do mean things on purpose. All in all I'm not bad to be around however, I also...

Firmly believe my dog has feelings that need to be considered; this is not to say that Leo makes decisions but Leo's well being and comfort are always a consideration. If Leo is sick, god forbid, he gets first class care. If a human is sick, god help the grown human that is sick in my presence, I am slightly less sympathetic. Leo can lick his butt sitting next to me but my goodness if you are a person please do not spit in my presence, it's disgusting. Leo can lick my face before I have had my eyes open for two seconds...I am sure you see where that one is going!

I will sum up my devotion to the very large toddlers simply by saying, the other night I spent over three hours creating a mash that I researched for two weeks prior, on the off chance that it'd help Brody get more weight on (who is fine by the way). The mash was a big hit!

I am forever bothered by one horsey dilemma or the next and I will spend hours explaining it to you.

There is always a horse, a dog, a chicken, a rooster, a donkey, or a duck that is in need. Somehow I catch wind of these things and most times want to help in any way I can.

I'll make sure these guys all have their vitamins. You as a human are responsible for taking yours, which includes making sure you have them.

I can't sit through a real television show however I will sit here for hours penning some fanciful blog about how great Katie is.

I'll shove a sandwich down my throat cause I acknowledge that eating is required and not think for two seconds about the mud, that is likely half shit, under my finger nails.

I will wash a horse blanket in the washer for people clothes even though I have one for the horse blankets at the barn, sometimes it's raining and I don't care to make the trip; blankets must be washed plain and simple.

I will also put the horse blankets in the people dryer to take the chill off it if they've been sitting in the cold barn all day.

I will drag mud through the house, stir beet pulp with kitchen spoons, and steal various tupperware containers that I believe to be the best measuring devices ever.

I will tell you how to clean the stalls, or I'll follow behind you and do it the "right way" after you've left to spare your feelings, ask my son. I'll also leave dishes in the sink and my fuzzy socks in the living room with no regret. I'm tired, I likely just cleaned the rooms of many giant toddlers.

I will wear big giant, floppy, muddy boots to the store and be offended if you ask me something to the affect of "You're wearing that?".

I will put on make up but I generally need a reason beyond getting out of bed and starting the day. My hair is forever in a sloppy pony tail and not because I studied how to make a fashionable mess of my hair!

I will pick up poop with my hand, I will touch a stall floor to see if it's damp or just "dirty", I will pee in a stall alongside my horse but god forbid you open the bathroom door when I am in there!

Yep, yep it's gotta kinda blow to be a people in my little world!

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He figured she'd gone back to Austin

I haven't written much about Austin, I really should have introduced him properly. Austin is a Walker, has a beautiful chestnut coat, the best mane and tail ever, and a very large nose :-) He's also got the best personality this side of the Mississippi.

Austin came up to Diamond Hill on a care lease for a couple months, he was to be my "confidence builder" because I was feeling low.

Austin is about the most laid back guy on the planet, Cindy used to joke and call him Austin Power Nap because he was forever sleepy faced.

Austin and I played an awful lot, Austin and I talked a lot, Austin and I hung out a lot. He was/is just that cool. Austin figured out pretty quickly that I not only believed he had an opinion I also wanted to hear it, and we talked more. I am aware that Austin doesn't speak English very well. I am pretty sure most of what I said to him sounded like a Charlie Brown cartoon, still, we talked. A lot of what we discussed happened over breakfast, he was most agreeable when his face was buried in warm beet pulp.

Austin took me on my very first, off the property, big girl trail ride(s). Austin didn't care if our time together in the arena was spent walking to the edge and looking at the tree tops, if we actually got into a trot that was fine but if we didn't, well that was fine too. He did protest now and again but he's so harmless that him kicking up his heels makes me chuckle still. We even ran around the arena together on foot, I am awfully glad no one was around when we were playing our "ohhh lets run this way, wait wait no lets walk, ok lets run again" little game, I'm all but positive they'd have thought I had lost my mind. He was never too interested in the ball but we tried that too. We really just had fun together. He was like a vacation from the serious horses I have here at home (Brody is a very serious guy and Katie well she is pretty darned serious most days too). When I saw Austin it was like greeting an old friend and I always knew that even if we didn't do much of anything I'd still love every second.

I love every second I have with my guys here at home too, it's just a different relationship.

I suppose that's part of the beauty, they are all different personalities and the relationships we have with them, they are all different as a result. At least for me that's what it is like. Every relationship is different; with Austin, he just plain old makes me smile and although I will still see him I am gonna miss our morning talks, kissing his big nose, our evenings, and everything in between! He's a great horse, I should say, great friend, and give the old guy his due :-)

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Why I am proud (or my hero carries a rasp)

Joe, the farrier, was out today. I was pretty excited because it was Brody's fourth go round and his foot was very close to looking downright handsome. I was pretty sure we'd walk away from today's appointment with photo worthy tootsies for Mr. Brody.

Rev was going to have the benefit of Joe, that also excited me. He's got some cracks that concern me, had a mild to moderate case of scratches, and was definitely long in the toe. I knew Joe would do a few things, all of them hugely important to me. I knew he'd introduce himself to Rev and not just manhandle him, I knew he'd ask me where he was from, what he had been through, what my concerns were, and I knew he'd follow all that up with talking me through every move he made on Rev's feet.

Yes Miss. Katie was done however, her feet are pretty easy; she's got perfectly healthy strong feet. Trim 'em up and she is done. Today was no different for her. The only difference with Katie is there is no misbehaving allowed; she knows way better. In her defense she never does :-) The only thing we discussed was her impressive (no pun intended) legs.

Joe didn't disappoint; Brody went first. Brody, although he knows Joe, still looks like he is convinced if he gives up that foot...it might not come back. He also likes to side step out of reach. Joe always manages to calm Brody's nerves and Brody has gotten much better as a result. Brody's face shows it all, I worry when I see him upset. Joe, thankfully, understands my desire to wrap Brody in bubble wrap and does not sidelong glace at me while I stand there and rub his chest, talk softly to him and kiss his big giant nose. It not only helps me relax that Joe doesn't judge, it helps Brody. As I had hoped Joe was able to remove almost the very last bit of that horrible hole Brody had in his toe. His foot looks downright cute in my opinion. His backs are in great shape and his other front is as well. I do believe that my favorite thoroughbred is well past the hump that caused me to wanna wrap him in bubble wrap! I'll still worry and when he gets that "Oh no" look in his eyes I'll still rub his chest and whisper to him. I'll still want to wrap him in bubble wrap but with each passing day Brody proves himself to be stronger than most would have thought possible eight months ago.

People who knew Brody when he was rescued see him, or pictures of him, now and say things that praise my efforts. The other day my mom said something about what a good job I had done with him, we were talking about how great he is doing I am sure. In any case, I replied that he had really done all the work; I didn't make him better, I just gave him what he needed to start the process. That included bringing people into his life like Joe and scores more that have helped me to make the right decisions where his recovery is/was concerned. I facilitated. You bet I am proud as all get out when I look at him, he's an amazing being and for some reason he found it in him to trust me and allow himself to accept the care he needed.

He had a choice. He was in horrible condition, he had been in pain a long time, and the poor guy had virtually no hope left. He decided to accept the help, he didn't have to. Brody could have gone in either direction, that he chose to let me help him makes me proud.

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Mother Nature must be Bipolar

I try to stay positive. I succeed more than I fail.

Today I am just sick sick sick of the cold and rain and snow and every other yuck weather thing Mother Nature has decided to toss our way, she's bipolar I swear! The days are lasting longer and I all I wanna do is hang out in the barn and since I can't...I'm whining on my blog.

Stupid rain, your making a mess of the gate area. Stupid rain, we had to put a tarp over Brody's favorite look out spot and he is bothered cause well that damn thing might just eat him. Stupid rain, the ponies can't play all day like they want to. Stupid rain, Leo is going nuts! Stupid rain, you are making me cranky!

I was inspired earlier to write something more to my liking, lovey dovey, kissy faced, and all that but not now. Stupid rain.

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Spoiled, you know kinda like curdled milk.

Leo is spoiled, or so I have heard. Katie and Brody as well. I'd almost bet that you could attach that label to a variety of animals, including those at the barn (Diamond Hill Ranch).

I really dislike the term. No matter who says it, no matter who is being referenced, I instantly think of curdled milk.

I admit that I give more weight to personality then the average Joe. I admit that I indulge the same. I do not do it to the detriment of (insert name).

Leo has his own couch, yes couch. No one really sits there but Leo and it is referred to as Leo's couch.

Katie gets warm beet pulp cause she loves it, she does not need it. She is the opposite of a hard keeper however watching me prepare everyone's meal and leaving her out is not something I have the heart to do. Does Katie get an excess, no. Does Katie get what she thinks is pretty special, yes.

Brody not only gets warm beet pulp, lately he's also gotten nightly massage sessions. We haven't done that since late September however he is pretty upset over Rev and reassuring him that he is special is important. Massaging him, not a bonafide equine massage, I'm not a real therapist, has always been a special thing for him and I. Bonding if you will.

Rev gets at least a half hour of undivided attention every night, last night we spent probably a full hour grooming and talking. He's confused right now and he needs to know he is safe, loved, and will be taken care of. The time we spend will hopefully lessen his confusion and allow him to settle into the farm with minimal fear and insecurity.

Austin gets special treatment too, his beet pulp is delivered fresh and warm every morning and every evening. Austin gets brushed a lot cause I have found that he likes it, makes him all sleepy faced. Austin hangs his head over his stall and I rub his forehead, usually his head lands somewhere in the nook of my other arm and we talk. He likes it, I like it. Win win.

I've heard about how spoiled Leo is since about a week after he came to live with me.

I want a new term. When I hear spoiled I think ruined; curdled milk, rotten fruit, moldy cheese. Unusable and downright yucky.

Animals and people don't spoil, I refuse to believe that. Overindulgence isn't good for anyone, human or otherwise, I believe that wholeheartedly. The ponies and Leo have to listen because I am in charge of their care and unless they can grow thumbs, learn to speak English and get a job, they have to follow the rules.

I've written about this scores of times and still have yet to pin point why it pisses me off so badly when people attach that to an animal or person. A spoiled person is really just a selfish person, think about it. A spoiled animal, well they behave badly, they may bite, they may kick, they may disregard the rules cause they figure they are entitled. Does that happen to an animal cause they are well taken care of? No, I don't think so. Do I have a very different philosophy where they are concerned, yes sir and ma'am I do.

They have personalities, they think, they feel, they should be allowed to express themselves, in my opinion. Expressing themselves should never equate to bad or dangerous behavior.

Every animal in my care has special quirks that I indulge, every single one.

Leo gets a beef stick nearly every time I go to the gas station. If Leo doesn't get one I am not greeted with growling and the like, he does indeed pout and let me know that he is disappointed. I usually reassure him that life is not over and we're all good. I could go on and on about the special things Mr. Leo is allowed but you get the point.

By traditional definition Leo is spoiled cause of a myriad of things that "normal dogs" don't get to do.

By traditional definition Katie is spoiled. I'm pretty sure anyone that has met the lovely Miss Katie would agree that the girl has opinions and I've never stifled them. Does it mean she gets to step on my toes cause she wants to get to the pasture faster then necessary? No, that's not safe for her or me and keeping her safe (and me too) is my primary job.

I don't give two licks what anyone thinks of Brody; that horse will be accommodated for the rest of his days. He's been through enough.

I get so bent out of shape when someone declares that my loving them and giving them what, I believe, every being deserves, spoils them. It makes it sound like I have ruined them. Ruined them for what? For who?

Frankly pisses me off, insults me.

If one of them is upset I want to know, and you know what they let me know. Not by biting my hand off or kicking me in my butt with giant legs, Leo lets me know he is unhappy by raising his brows in a million different ways. Katie shakes her head no, I shit you not, when she is upset. Brody stands as still as a statue and refuses to look your way until you walk to him. Rev is still pretty apprehensive but when he is upset, usually at Brody, he comes to the fence and waits for you. He needs reassurance right now and it's my job to make sure he has that. "Should" I play pasture referee? I'd bet most people would say no. I, again, don't care. They all live here and well they have to be nice. That's one of the rules here on the farm, everyone must be nice. In return they are treated very well.

Someone needs to make up a new word because spoiled should not, in my opinion, be applied to a living being.

What if you had a garden and you watered the garden every day, talked to your plants, gave them special vitamins that might not be in the dirt that YOU planted them in, and they grew to be huge, sweet, well rounded vegetables, would you be guilty of spoiling your garden? Nope, not until you stuck said veggies in the fridge and forgot about them...

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Brody and his fifteen minutes of fame

Q13 has a pet of the week contest. I watch every week and wish I had submitted Leo, I think Leo is the cutest dog on the planet!

However Brody is more deserving of fifteen minutes of fame; he's been through more than most and makes my heart swell each morning. So Brody is entered! Please give him some love!

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9,670 Days

I've been a mom for 9,670 days, sounds impressive doesn't it? I could have just as easily said, my son is 26, a touch less dramatic really. Over the years my son has chosen a path that is completely baffling to me, harmful for him, and painful for everyone connected to either of us. I've often related the feeling to watching him ram his head into a brick wall, bring himself back to me for bandaging, only to ram into the very same wall he just recently walked away from.

The most recent events certainly don't need to be detailed on here, the core issue is the same. How do you function when your child is hell bent on a path that can lead to one, of a few, bad ends. Coping is really all it comes down to because you can't make it not hurt, you can't remove the worry, you can only try to cope.

Today I cleaned up at the Ranch, it's Tuesday, it's my day. You'd be surprised at how it clears your mind; the mindless physical act coupled with the occasional petting of a forehead. There is something soothing about working the muscles I suppose. I know it's soothing to pet the ponies ;-)

I got home pretty early because Cathy helped me clean today. When I got home I decided to let the ponies mix it up. The integration process for Brody is slow going. Brody sees Rev as competition. They do just grand for a bit then Rev gets close to Katie and Brody decides that is not acceptable and off the two of them go. Mind you if you're watching and you say "Brody stop it" he stops, looks around, bends his giraffe like neck to the grass, his little ears all perky, and proceeds to graze as if he is still the most innocent creature at the farm. Rev often looks as if he is asking "What in the hell is wrong with that guy?" Katie is oblivious because there is grass to be eaten. Leo is typically standing at my feet whimpering because darn it the horses are moving faster than a walk and that means he really really wants to run too!

Normally I chastise whomever is being testy, they act innocent and surprised that they are in trouble, we move on. When you are dealing with the many personalities here on the farm it's a guarantee someone is being testy to someone else. The usual suspects over the years have been Charlie, Logan, Katie,Tex, Leo, and most recently Brody has joined the  "Who me?!" club. Most of the trouble makers are, and/or have been mine. Most of the trouble makers in that little club think, or thought, they are, or were, pretty darned high in the chain of command / attention.

Today I could barely focus and as a result my giant toddlers all got ushered into their stalls for dinner at 5:30pm because Brody had pissed me off, for the second time, in a short twenty minutes. He didn't do anything that I couldn't have, or haven't, predicted. He sees Rev being here as competition, he's not too pleased with it. He may have arrived low man on the totem pole but if someone else is coming into the picture, well he isn't going to stay low man on the totem pole. He has not kicked Rev, he hasn't even offered a very valid threat of a kick to Rev. He simply tosses his big old head about and prances around like he is king of the horses. He prances toward Rev no doubt however, it is more like a 'You, Move!' or a "You, Stay right there!' kind of thing. So we've been taking it slow. They are out after breakfast in separate, but adjoining, pasture areas so everyone has a chance to graze a bit in peace then we open up the pasture to everyone for a few hours before dinner. That usually includes access to the yards as well, so they can, conceivably, go in and out of both freely.

Today we went from the pasture + front yard for an hour, or so, for everyone to opening up the rest of the yard, which includes the side and top half. There is plenty of yard for everyone. Brody apparently did not agree with Rev venturing off to the side of the house where the Princess was hanging out and decided perhaps he ought to move Rev right to the back of the house (where they are not allowed and is fenced off). Katie just stands there looking at Brody like she knows yard privileges are about ready to be cut off, Leo is whimpering again cause he's not allowed to participate, Brody is looking at the blackberry bushes as if they hold the secrets of the universe and steadfastly ignoring me, and Rev is peeking from around the corner looking at me as if to say "are you flipping kidding me?".

I was in no mood today. I started the day with Leo needing a bath, he has a hot spot, rather what would become a hot spot if I didn't bathe him and apply the medicine this morning and I pretty much knew this. It's not really how I wanted to spend my morning, he always looks like you're killing him when you make him take a bath. He's good but my lord I didn't feel up to a dog driven guilt trip at 9am. I followed that by fielding a good ten calls from the person whom I mothered 9,670 days ago, most of which included me saying no to a request and his replying with various examples of how I was the worst person on the planet. I'd shoveled a lot of shit for the day, figuratively and literally.

And, here was Brody. Trying to, in his horsey way, establish how important he was here at the farm. I just wasn't in the mood today.

I don't think Brody has ever heard my "I'm NOT fucking around anymore" voice until today. Nice to know the voice works with a simple "Move it right now, in your stall!" He high tailed ;-) his butt right up to the barn. Katie, darling that she is, has heard it more than once and followed Brody right up the drive, Leo of course has heard it more than twice and stayed at (or under) my feet! Rev was still apprehensively at the corner watching his nemesis get busted.

Rev walked up to the barn after Brody & Katie and stood right in front of his door waiting while I finished latching Brody's gate. I opened his door and in he went, straight to his hay, just like the other two.

I still wasn't in the mood to talk to any of my children, four legged or not, and was just sort of relieved that they were all secure for the night and perhaps mom could, after almost ten thousand flippin' days, and a lot of shit in the last 2 of them, not worry about it. Wow talk about whiny! It's true though.

I love the horses. I love Leo. I love my son. I love taking care of them, all of them, always have. It is quite literally in my blood to take care. Sometimes though, taking care, means doing things that are not always pleasant for the one in your care. You have to say no sometimes and they don't always like it. Today I was in no mood, I didn't want to have to say no one more time, not today.

In their respective rooms everyone went. Figuratively and literally speaking, after 9,670 days as mom I figure I can make that decision.

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Deceptively strong and/or my affinity for hard keepers

Brody came to the farm in July. He was quite the mess, through no fault of his own. He needed a lot of weight, I am a horrible judge however, I think it is safe to say a good 150, if not 200, pounds were necessary. He also had issues with his foot, it's better now. He was also very sad. He was barely there, and the little you could see had only come out in the few weeks he was with Drea right before he came here, we'd barely touched the surface.

I think the best illustration of where he was and how far he has come is in the picture below.

I tend to want to wrap Brody up in bubble wrap and tuck him in safe so nothing in the world can hurt him ever again. I'd probably bring him into the house if I could justify it for even half a second. I am, secretly, convinced that he is the single most fragile creature on the planet.

He's not.

He's very healthy these days although I would like to see another 50 or 75 pounds on him. I suspect his keeping weight on is always going to be an issue. He is, most definitely, a hard keeper. He has legs that go on forever and a neck that resembles a giraffe. He is also hyper-vigilant, nothing escapes his attention. His stress level is something I have worried over since the moment he stepped off the trailer.

I baby him. I can't help myself, let me rephrase, I don't want to help myself. He deserves to be babied after what he has been through. By that I mean, I baby him. I thought about justifying it with stress level concerns and his being a hard keeper and all that however, fact is I baby him. I will probably never stop, well ok I won't stop for some time. I remember too well what he looked like, how he felt, when he came here. If I could build Brody a cloud I'd do it and he and Charlie (my friends horse) could live on it together.

All that being said, Brody has proven to be anything but fragile lately. Rev came to the farm about a week ago. I've kept Rev's coming to the farm pretty quiet. Normally I plaster pictures on Facebook and talk to anyone stupid enough to listen about the "new guy". Rev was in need of a new home, I had an open stall, Rev came. There was no need for hoopla :-) He is settling in nicely. He is a beautiful deep bay, sweet disposition, history of dressage and jumping and is apparently in love with (or tolerating) Katie.

Brody on the other hand is none too pleased with the addition. My fragile, bubble wrapped boy, chased Rev into the arena and steadfastly refused to let him out and / or near Katie. The first day they were out together there was a biting incident, Rev got bit, I suspected Katie. Let's face it if someone is gonna bite someone else in the pasture and / or push them around it'd "likely" be the princess. I suspect this time it was Brody.

We've been taking the integration slow, about an hour or so each day they are all together in the pasture. Otherwise Rev is in the yard/arena area and the other two are in the pasture. They can play, sniff, etc...over the fence however they can't completely mix it up.

Funny thing is, the day before yesterday, I was watching them as they were "mixing it up" in the pasture together. It really is Brody who is bothered. He is determined to hold his spot as "second". Katie is, and will always be, first. And much like Patch, whom I'd have wrapped in cotton and tucked into bed every night if I could have gotten away with it, Brody is tougher than I like to admit.

I suppose after what he's been through his constitution should not be in question.

I suppose after watching his progress I shouldn't be too terribly surprised that he can exert himself.

I suspect Rev can more than handle himself.

I assume after a few weeks I'll stop worrying that Brody is gonna stress himself out and subsequently stress Rev out.

I hope all of the above is true otherwise my favorite hard keeper, and the new guy, are gonna be living in the house and I am really not sure how I'd explain that to anyone!

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