I like to think I am profound

It's been quite a few days since I have written. I've been pretty preoccupied I guess; obsessing over every little thing your head until nothing makes sense leaves very little free time ;-) Tex got limpy, that freaked me out. He is fine, I was a mess. I am a quiet mess though so a lot of times people don't know it, unless you are one of the unfortunate few I spew to when I can't keep quiet anymore! It's like a data dump of information you never asked for! I had myself convinced that Sarah was gonna come over with her trailer and declare me unfit. I can't recall the last time I gave myself such a hard time. The logical me knows that he is a horse, he is inevitably going to hurt himself. I can say the same thing of Leo, he's a dog and inevitably he is gong to find himself in some situation...

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Putting it all back together

A dear friend of mine recently lost someone she loved a great deal, she asked me when it stopped being hard, when the pain stopped being on the forefront, when you stopped being downright pissed off! Somewhere during the conversation I mentioned the animals and how loving them had "saved me". I've light-heartedly said this before however during that conversation I realized I completely meant it; there was nothing light-hearted about it. I recently lost someone, two someones, that were terribly important to me. When I moved to the farm my poor mom was so worried. My Aunt, and by Aunt I mean not only was she my mom's sister she was probably second only to my mom in shaping the woman sitting here today, had been killed a year before (almost exactly). My brother had died in a horrible accident...

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An especially worried day

I'll just put it out there, sometimes it is downright hard keeping up with everything and once in awhile I wonder why I decided to make this commitment. I could have taken up tropical fish ya know! There is so much to learn it can be mind boggling and whereas some of this life with them that I have chosen feels instinctual, knowing what to do with the instinct is often the challenge. I am forever making sure things are just right and when I get it right I suspect a lot of it is, just has to be, dumb luck because I sure didn't have any working knowledge when I moved in. Or maybe it's mom commonsense kicking in and saving me from a disaster? Maybe it should be called momsense? Everyday I am delivered things to remind me that I haven't thought of everything, it's humbling sometimes. Today...

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