Anger, for what it's worth

My last post caused quite a stir, it was about Austen, it named the woman I held responsible, it publicly shamed the same. I know better. I wish I could have stepped outside of my anger long enough to realize how scared she must have been watching him lose the weight he lost. I've been there, scared to death that I'd not be able to do enough for a horse I had taken on. In my defense I asked for help. In her defense, she thought she had done the same. I disagree. I still believe that she did a great injustice to him on a few levels. I do not believe she went as far as she could for him. I still think someone needs to stand up when those injustices are done, regardless of intent. I do know that expressing that in anger solves nothing. I apologize for my assumption that she did not care...

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Open letter to the person whom will remain nameless

Dear person whom will remain nameless, You don't know me personally, I suggest we keep it that way. You and I meeting would simply challenge every peace loving, forgiving bone in my body; I can see nothing good coming from that. I know of you only through a very sweet older Tennessee Walker you were given the opportunity to love. You likely only know of me because I posted his before and after pictures on a horse related web page that we both belong to. You deleted the post, I know this because the admin of the page confirmed they did not. I suppose I understand you deleting the post, goodness knows had I done what you've done I'd likely want...

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Pussy footing around

I would like to talk about Austen, I have been a little hesitant to discuss him for a couple of reasons. It was hard for me to come to terms with what had happened to him and I wanted to discuss it without anger. My being angry and writing almost always results in swearing and rambling. I also wanted us to have a chance to settle. Finally I had to decide how angry I was going to stay at the lady whom is responsible for Austen's current condition as seen below. Austen is not some random horse that networking brought to my attention. Austen is the horse that helped me remember why I loved them all so much. I had come close to throwing in...

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The what and why

A friend of mine posted something on facebook asking everyone who knew her if they knew why she did what she did. It's a question I ask myself frequently, not about her of course. About her the answer came simple cause it needs to be done and who better than her. For me answering that question takes five hundred blog posts! Sitting here looking at Mac's adorable spotted ass while he eats I wonder again, why do I do it? I love looking at Mac; that's an easy answer, if only the question was why do I sit her and look at his little spotted butt. Question is, why do I bring them in, get them all happy and healthy and send them about their way, this is not to imply I have ever haphazardly placed a horse. Hell it took me two years to find Katie's perfect partner. Anyway back to the subject at...

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Flowers and cowboy boots

Recently - yesterday - there was an ad on CL for a mare, the ad included a threat to take her to the kill buyer. I don't think the threat was empty however that is neither here nor there. More recently the owner of this mare added text to her ad stating that she was tired of harassing phone calls, added that the more calls she got taking her to task the more she was inclined to take her to the kill buyer. For the record I didn't contact them and had I done that it would have been to offer a home and bite a hole through my tongue while I arranged moving her. See you aren't supposed to pass judgement. You aren't supposed to take these type of people to task. You are supposed to be all flowers and cowboy hats to get the horse out of the situation she is in, if you do not you risk her life....

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The boys

The boys and I haven't really been doing much. You know skipping the shows and hanging out at home (haha). But no really we've just been hanging out. Brody is doing well, he's got a touch of an upset tummy. I attribute it to hay I bought. Other than that he's actually come into himself quite well. Hard to fathom that two years ago he was the one I played food police for. Now if there is any food policing going on it is me protecting someone else from Brody stealing their food. Last night we did a bit of a dance outside Lou's door cause Brody was convinced that it was completely acceptable to walk in there and steal Lou's beet pulp. I have to admit it's a little funny to watch his face when I hop from one side to the next blocking him. Eventually he snorts and off he goes to bother Mac. He's...

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Forgetting myself

The last few months have been especially challenging. Struggling with my ability to forget myself has been a constant battle, a lifelong theme if there ever was one for me. Finding a balance is often very hard for me as a result. I want to give, I want to help, I want to do those things while taking proper care of myself. Therein lies  the struggle. There is a part of me that still holds on to the belief that I've never deserved to be properly cared for, that properly caring for myself equated selfishness, only in taking care of everyone and everything will I ever be worthy (and even then it's pretty conceited to believe it). It's so ingrained that I quite honestly talk myself out of believing it every single day and I am 44. I've often wondered why the animals that fill most of my...

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Sometimes I wish I wasn't a people

Ten years ago I'd have laughed if you told me that my horsey / dog budget was larger than my human budget. Ten years ago I'd have labeled anyone who "researched" their dog's food as "nuts". Ten years ago I'd have never known that people can, will, and more often than not, do awful things to animals. It quite honestly never crossed my mind. I was busy. I was building my career, I was single, I had a teenage son, I lived in Seattle, had a local bar I stopped in, had no idea what a feed store was, and I "owned" a cat. Ten years ago I wore make up, did my hair, would have been horrified at shoveling shit, much less examining it for it's "quality"! Ten years ago I had no idea my heart could be broken and mended so frequently by beings that could not talk. Ten years ago it never crossed my mind...

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He let's me go fast

If you've ever read my blog you know that I am not a fan of going fast. I don't drive fast, I don't run fast, I don't ride fast. The only thing I really ever do quickly is talk and or type. I am mind boggling fast with a keyboard and I can talk a mile a minute when even a touch excited. Everything else I'd prefer to do slow, snail paced slow. I often wonder if it is because in my youth I did everything fast, break neck speed fast, it's hard to say. Enter Lou. Lou is a lumbering 16.3hh hunk of a horse. I adopted Lou from Pony Up (shocking!). I can't even remember how Lou became a conversation between Rosemary and I. However he did and he eventually came home with me. I remember meeting him that first day, he was lazing about in the arena at "PU 1" which is funny in a full circle kinda way...

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Rev's mom

I'm sitting in the barn, Abbey is climbing on my lap, Lou and Brody are munching on hay, Leo is faithfully guarding the door, Jack is in his yard and Rev is with his new mommy. I miss Rev no doubt there however every day there is a post by Tracy talking about how much fun they are having together and I can't for one second regret the decision. It brings tears to my eyes in the most satisfying way. He's not the first horse that has come into my life and somehow found the perfect partner. Someone mentioned to me not too long ago that perhaps that was my calling if you will, with the horses, to find them that perfect partner. See I don't show, I don't ride the boys every day, I am often discounted in the traditional horsey world as a result. As if my knowledge is lacking due to the lack of blue...

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Top Ten Misconceptions Vs. Reality 101

#1 Misconception: I'm not "touchy feely". Reality: Pure bullshit. ask my dog, my horses, my cat, my kids or grandkids, even my mom. #2 Misconception: I'm "skinny", "small", etc... and physically limited Reality: I can buck 100lbs of hay, carry at least that in groceries, and weigh a good ten pounds more than anyone thinks #3 Misconception: I don't wear open toes shoes cause I have ugly feet Reality: I don't like my feet to be cold, or wet, or exposed to the open air. I like socks. #4 Misconception: I forget Reality: I choose not to remember #5 Misconception: My writing is always a direct result of my personal experience Reality: I have an imagination, I use it #6 Misconception: I'm outgoing Reality: I am the definition of painfully shy. #7 Misconception: I spoiled my son Reality: That's...

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A coon's age & frogs in the yard

It's been quite awhile since I sat here and wrote. Longer still since I actually completed a post; I have more drafts in the last year than I have frogs in  the yard. Oh yes, we moved. Perhaps later I will visit the move, not tonight. Suffice it to say everyone is happy with it, even the local frogs have decided we can stay. Can you imagine had they decided to boot the whole lot of us out? A frog led overthrow, scary. And I illustrate why I have not written. My son found me a few days ago in the barn writing on a notepad and mentioned that I only write when I am "bothered". I kinda smiled my "how I wish you knew me better" smile and reminded him that the only time I could write with any success is when I wasn't "bothered". He pretended to understand what I was saying and I let my mind...

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