There's dog food in the bathroom

I was walking through the house today realizing that it was probably more messy & disorganized then it's been in any recent history. I made my way into the bathroom, looked to the floor and thought to myself "great there's dog food in the bathroom"; that about summed it up. It's been a messy & disorganized couple of months. I attribute it to the amount of loss this last year has handed us here at the farm, Patch being the most recent. Texas is going back home to Sarah's on Sunday & I am hoping that will conclude the string of losses this year. We could all use a bit of a break. At least with Texas I know he's gonna be just as loved as he ever was so although I've shed the tears and will do more of the same this weekend I can do so knowing he's going to be fine. It's...

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CraigsList.Org & Masochistic Tendencies

I comb the For Sale listings in "Farm & Garden" on CraigsList daily. I do not "browse" I comb. It is an addiction and slightly masochistic considering what I am "combing" for. Ponies, ponies, and more ponies. Ponies that have served their "owners" and find themselves at 20 with no "job", rendering them "useless". Ponies that were bred cause "babies are cute". Ponies that have had one tragedy followed by the next. Ponies that, for the most part, no one wants. This is not to say there are not legitimate sales on Craigslist. This is to say that my bleeding heart, tree hugging, animal loving, liberal self can't seem to find her way to any ad that displays a perfectly good pony/horse owned by a person I'd respect. I gloss over those, they don't have a "story"; well perhaps it's...

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He really does make me smile

Brody was great tonight when I insisted that he needed jamma's. He really does make me smile....

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Time travel, past lives, and all that we become

26 years, one month, and ten days ago I gave birth to my son Joshua. Five or so minutes ago I shed a few tears for that girl. Leo was on the porch and heard me, he came over to my chair, licked my hand, climbed up on the chair arm and rested his head on my arm for a minute before settling under my desk. How anyone can discount the compassion in animals I'll never know. It also brought me back to today. Sitting here today I like who I am, I also respect the girl I was back then. The former is a statement that has held true for awhile, the latter is very recent. About two weeks ago a friend of mine changed the very fabric of my life by locating the man whom had fathered Joshua. To say this was a shock is probably the understatement of my life, as well as Joshua's. Two weeks ago I started...

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Self indulgence

I woke this morning, fed the horses in slippers and headed back to the couch to cuddle with Leo. I stayed there until about 10am. I had a dream that Leo got clipped by a car. Later that morning Leo disappeared to the creek and I spent ten minutes calling his name expecting every horrible thing you can imagine. He finally came screaming up the pasture, ears flat on his head, doing at least fifteen miles an hour, covered in mud from his chest down. I was walking up to the top of the pasture pretending that I wasn't walking the fence line in fear that the dream had come true. We made our way to the beach with the kids and Leo in tow. We walked the beach, turned over logs and saw crabs. We picked up crabs smaller than my thumb. Met a super cool Canadian Goose and gave him my bottled water...

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Time & all that jazz

They say time heals. I don't think time heals, it can't heal, it's just time. What you do with that time, that's what heals. I thought that last night when I was remembering my dad, it was his birthday. I thought that last night when I remembered my son's teenage years. I thought that last night when I remembered my Aunt, my brother, and Patch, I even threw in my software career for good measure. I'm not even sure why I'm not angry. I'm pretty sure that if I were, it'd be justified. Then I came back from turning the lights off in the barn. Having finished delivering the "lights out" hay, standing next to Texas, my hand resting on his rump, my head laid against the same, I wondered how, in the presence of the most forgiving animals on the planet, I thought...

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I could have bought a fish...

Tonight while I sat and took random pictures of the horses from the hammock, I felt the weight of them in a way that rarely strikes me. They aren't perfect; it's not all pretty pictures and lackadaisical romps about the 'arena' or the 'trail system' (on a really good day!). Katie is pissed, for example. I also think Katie is in season; either that or Texas has also lost his mind! Season or not Katie is pissed and whereas Katie needs to get over herself I need to help her do that in a way that is safe for Katie. What does that mean with Katie in this circumstance? It means it means spending time with her, just normal, do nothing, one on one time, even when I'd much rather let her twirl her big butt around the stall cause she is pissed. Reminding her that yes, she is The Princess...

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Birthdays, Brody, and a few rainbows tossed in

Yesterday was my birthday and the first time in five years it wasn't celebrated with my AvaAnniversary. For that I continue to be grateful. We had company and a nice relaxing day at the farm. I made rainbows with the sprinkler, thought of Melissa and her love of rainbows. I tried conjuring up a unicorn but I fell a bit short. :-) I still sit down to write and go immediately to Patch. I can't express how badly I miss him. Every day I see his spotted little rear end meandering over to me when I am cleaning stalls, I look out the front door and wonder why no one comes to the door for treats anymore...I don't suppose I'll get over Patch anytime soon, he was so very special. Brody is doing well. I am not sure how much weight has gone back on him however I do know he is eating better and it shows....

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