Forgetting myself

The last few months have been especially challenging. Struggling with my ability to forget myself has been a constant battle, a lifelong theme if there ever was one for me. Finding a balance is often very hard for me as a result. I want to give, I want to help, I want to do those things while taking proper care of myself. Therein lies  the struggle. There is a part of me that still holds on to the belief that I've never deserved to be properly cared for, that properly caring for myself equated selfishness, only in taking care of everyone and everything will I ever be worthy (and even then it's pretty conceited to believe it). It's so ingrained that I quite honestly talk myself out of believing it every single day and I am 44. I've often wondered why the animals that fill most of my...

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Sometimes I wish I wasn't a people

Ten years ago I'd have laughed if you told me that my horsey / dog budget was larger than my human budget. Ten years ago I'd have labeled anyone who "researched" their dog's food as "nuts". Ten years ago I'd have never known that people can, will, and more often than not, do awful things to animals. It quite honestly never crossed my mind. I was busy. I was building my career, I was single, I had a teenage son, I lived in Seattle, had a local bar I stopped in, had no idea what a feed store was, and I "owned" a cat. Ten years ago I wore make up, did my hair, would have been horrified at shoveling shit, much less examining it for it's "quality"! Ten years ago I had no idea my heart could be broken and mended so frequently by beings that could not talk. Ten years ago it never crossed my mind...

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