I'm sitting in the barn, Abbey is climbing on my lap, Lou and Brody are munching on hay, Leo is faithfully guarding the door, Jack is in his yard and Rev is with his new mommy. I miss Rev no doubt there however every day there is a post by Tracy talking about how much fun they are having together and I can't for one second regret the decision. It brings tears to my eyes in the most satisfying way. He's not the first horse that has come into my life and somehow found the perfect partner. Someone mentioned to me not too long ago that perhaps that was my calling if you will, with the horses, to find them that perfect partner. See I don't show, I don't ride the boys every day, I am often discounted in the traditional horsey world as a result. As if my knowledge is lacking due to the lack of blue ribbons and barrels raced around. I have been around long enough now to realize that is complete bullshit. Some of my closest friends are guilty of the judgement, difference is that today, sitting here in the barn with my boys, I don't care. Katie came into my life and taught me so very much, she lives with her new mommy who is the best person for her. Amber came into my life and ended up finding the perfect family for her. Rev came to me and eventually found Tracy who is perfect for him. Do I have a knack for finding the perfect person, no. Do I have a problem loving them enough to let them go when I am not the perfect partner, no. Does that equate to my place in the horsey world, no.
Ok so it still pisses me off that some people in this "world" discount me, I think it's insulting. I likely will continue to think it is insulting, I suppose I just no longer let that discourage me. I look at Lou and I look at Brody and I know that they'd both agree, it's insulting bullshit. These boys don't belong anywhere but with me, never will. Did Rev belong "anywhere but with me", no. Did I love him enough to know that, yes. Does that make me less of a horse person than say the person riding a pattern every day, practicing dressage, jumping barrels every Friday night, or hitting the trails five times a week? No. Will another horse end up in my care only to find that perfect person, I sure the hell hope so. It's an honor to be a part of that. Is that my "place" in this "horsey world". Umm no.
Ok, slightly off course now. This post did not start out with the intention of being a rant.
I moved recently and a little known fact is that part of the attraction was being away from the judgmental bullshit. I have never admitted that piece because I value the friendships and was afraid of such an admission.
Watching Rev and Tracy taught me a lot, thanks to Rev for being yet another wonderful being to teach his guardian for a time, a lesson she needed! It did not matter to me what everyone thought. I knew that I was more comfortable riding with Lou. Gosh Lou and I are an entirely different post so I won't go there now. Suffice it to say that I knew the minute I touched Lou that it'd be hard on Rev. I entertained the thought of finding someone for Rev to play with (I refuse to call it work). I never found anyone (not that I looked hard) that I thought deserved HIM.
Tracy and I ran into each other at Pony Up on a Sunday when I was not scheduled to be there, I feed on Saturday but I had over slept and volunteered to do Sunday since I was such a lazy ass on Saturday! Tracy does Sunday and about half way through feeding she pulled up and wondered what the hell I was doing there! We had never met face to face, she was a volunteer, so was I but our paths had only crossed via Facebook post (welcome to the age of electronic communication)! We got to talking and she mentioned her boy Otto, he was in training, she couldn't ride him freely, etc. I stood there and kicked the dirt floor (I only kick the dirt when I know I am getting myself into something potentially painful) and talked a bit about Katie. My goodness that is still a sore subject for me. Then standing there I remembered Rev, sitting at home probably off to himself because Lou and Brody are... and I casually mentioned that she was welcome to ride Rev. Did I really think it'd become anything? Probably not. The dirt kicking was more about Katie then it was about Rev at that point.
Tracy came and met Rev twice that day, the second time Josh and I were riding with Lou and Brody in the arena. Eventually she saddled Rev up and as I cleaned the pasture (read spied on her and Rev) her and Rev tripped around the arena a bit.
I was pretty impressed, he was so obviously happy. I do know the horse quite well and I have seen him with a few people. He was relaxed under her hand and happily doing as she asked. He wasn't bored with her or frustrated with her. I can't say that I was instantly struck but I was impressed.
She took him for a trail ride not long after that while I sat at work and worried about everything from him throwing her and running wild to him and her having the time of their life and not loving me anymore. I don't think I stopped obsessing over said trail ride until I knew he was home safe.
She came over again and just sorta hung out, lunged a bit, braided every inch of hair she could, hand grazed him and just well generally fussed over him.
Watching her that night, through the windows to give her privacy and satisfy my need to watch, I started remembering Katie and Perris and all that happened "back then".
I remembered loving Katie beyond reason. I remembered P. I remembered feeling with P like Tracy felt with Rev. I remembered how tangled it became. I remembered how, still to this day, P breaks my heart.
Eventually I came out and Tracy was leaving for the evening. She said goodbye to Rev and climbed into her truck. Rev was in his stall, eating.
Rev walked out of his stall when he heard her truck. Rev watched her pull out of the driveway. Rev went back to his food after looking very sad and I said (much to my surprise) "Don't worry baby, mom will be back". I swear I didn't realize that "mom" was headed out of my mouth until it was there. I however could not deny that it had come out.
I sat in the barn for quite some time and talked to Rev, stared at Rev and tried to figure what to do.
I remembered P. I remembered how I had almost given up. I remembered how much it had hurt to know she'd never "belong" with me and I realized that once again that gorgeous blonde was teaching me how to love properly, and I sent the text to Tracy that started the conversations that changed Rev's life.
