Out on the ledge

As it happens I have done something I never really believed I would do.

I have loved words for as long as I can remember, even in music I hear the lyrics first, music second.

I have loved writing for as long as I can remember. I especially love poetry. In poetry I find all the voices that under normal circumstances are kept quiet for one reason or the next.

In my poetry, rather in others reading my poetry, I become embarrassed. I have to squash the desire to say "yes the poem talks about standing naked and upside down in a corn field somewhere deep in Iowa but no I've never been there and rarely do I stand upside down and naked at the same time." It's a different voice that can relate rocks in Utah to Mormon marriages and talk about standing upside down in a make believe corn field.

I've had people read a poem and believe it to be some window into my thoughts, soul, life, past, present; some sort of clue leading to what is really going on. This could not be further from the truth. It's actually insulting and has found me keeping it to myself completely on more than one occasion.

I've played with publishing once or twice and did in fact get published a couple times. Looking back it was pretty immature work, nonetheless someone out there liked it. Mostly I've kept my writing to myself with the occasional sharing with a friend or on Facebook if I am feeling particularly brave.

Recently, very recently, I put together a Kindle Book of poems that is now for sale on Amazon. Pretty cool really, 53 of what I consider readable poems. The problem really is in my motivation to utilize the resources I have available to me to get it out there, so to speak.

I am as afraid of people finding it, being interested in it and purchasing it as I am the opposite. It's revealing work, there is no doubt of that. It's not autobiographical in content but in feelings behind them it surely holds pieces of me. To sell that, which is the thing I never really thought I'd do, seems wrong in a 'starving artist, I write for myself' kinda way and scary in a 'holy shit people are going to think you are absolutely certifiable' kinda way.

I suppose if you are going to look at it honestly, I've only done half of the thing because I've not utilized resources to put it out there. I am, in a 'see I am brave enough to self publish' kinda way, hiding behind the scores of other books available on Kindle.

This weeks 'action item' is to gather a bit of courage and let it be known that the thing is actually out there for purchase.

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