Sitting here tonight, with the page blank and a million things running through my mind, I decided to spend five minutes on a clever title. A clever title is important; looking for a clever title somewhere in the far corners of my mind where nothing much happens is also a great way to avoid the active parts. So my clever title today is "No fitting title". Impressive I know.
That's a cute opening to my subject matter this evening. Katie, my Impressive bred mare. Now when I say Impressive bred I am not talking adjectives :-)
Actually it involves more than Katie, it involves them all and the tough decisions that come with them. It's the responsibility to do what's right for them even when it's not what you'd wish for you. It's the wrestling that comes with the examination of motive. i.e. Are you doing this because it's right for you? Are you doing this because it's right for them? It's the separation from your own wants in order to see theirs properly. It comes with parenting and lets face it that is precisely what you do when you bring an animal into your home. Yeah, yeah we are their "owners". People call it what they will however the job is the same, constant non-stop care for another being, complete responsibility for their very well being and where animals are concerned their fate. Children have the upper hand finally! Children have a level of control that leaves your hands when they discover they can control their fate in this life, animals are completely dependent. Interesting I hadn't thought of that before.
In any case, it's a heavy responsibility and sometimes it sucks ass. Today I woke knowing Kate and I were going to go show Katie to a local woman whom I have tremendous respect for. It'd be great for Katie, of that there is no doubt. Did I want to do it? No. Did I? Yeah.
You might wonder why I did it if I didn't want to. I "own" Katie, god knows I have plenty "invested" in Katie. Why in the world would I ever consider giving her away (which I failed to mention was part of it, sorry).
I'm considering it because Katie would be in an ideal situation. I'm considering it because if I put Katie "on the market" she's going to attract people whom are not suitable for her. That's a lot like setting her up.
I'm considering it because I will not do the "work" that Katie needs to be suitable for those that she attracts. It really has little to do with if I want to do the work or not, I won't. I want to desperately. I can't. That's me, that is not Katie. It's the reality that I am not good enough to give her what she needs to get ready to be suitable. Does that bother me? Fuck yes it does. Does it piss me off that I didn't try harder before with her? Yes it does. Do I think for one second that our relationship, as it stands, under saddle, will ever change? No. Do I blame Katie? God no. Do I blame me? Sure that's obvious however I am becoming more comfortable with the fact that if I wanted to be "good enough" under saddle for a horse like Katie I would be. Truth is, I don't want to work that hard, not right now and perhaps not ever; certainly not soon enough for Katie, and that is the most important part.
I don't think I have ever admitted that.
Another truth is, I don't think Katie is miserable. Katie is well taken care of, a lady on the ground, polite, lovable, great with the kids fussing over her, and has a herd of boys chasing her tail (literally some days). From a mare's point of view...kinda hard to argue with that.
Another truth is, I'm not independently wealthy and as much as I'd love to let Katie live forever in charge of her little world of handsome geldings...
Another truth is, someone else could love Katie and ride her as well. Katie doesn't object to work, quite the opposite. She reminds me a lot of a child who has spent the last two years in Europe :-) She was great today and my lord I love to see her relax and enjoy what she is doing. She tries so hard, you can see it.
Another truth is, it's in the figuring. The battles that come to life when you have to decide if you are making the decision based on their needs or your love for them. That's the tough part. That's the part that sucks ass, that's the part that makes me swear and leaves me without a title even now :-)
That's a cute opening to my subject matter this evening. Katie, my Impressive bred mare. Now when I say Impressive bred I am not talking adjectives :-)
Actually it involves more than Katie, it involves them all and the tough decisions that come with them. It's the responsibility to do what's right for them even when it's not what you'd wish for you. It's the wrestling that comes with the examination of motive. i.e. Are you doing this because it's right for you? Are you doing this because it's right for them? It's the separation from your own wants in order to see theirs properly. It comes with parenting and lets face it that is precisely what you do when you bring an animal into your home. Yeah, yeah we are their "owners". People call it what they will however the job is the same, constant non-stop care for another being, complete responsibility for their very well being and where animals are concerned their fate. Children have the upper hand finally! Children have a level of control that leaves your hands when they discover they can control their fate in this life, animals are completely dependent. Interesting I hadn't thought of that before.
In any case, it's a heavy responsibility and sometimes it sucks ass. Today I woke knowing Kate and I were going to go show Katie to a local woman whom I have tremendous respect for. It'd be great for Katie, of that there is no doubt. Did I want to do it? No. Did I? Yeah.
You might wonder why I did it if I didn't want to. I "own" Katie, god knows I have plenty "invested" in Katie. Why in the world would I ever consider giving her away (which I failed to mention was part of it, sorry).
I'm considering it because Katie would be in an ideal situation. I'm considering it because if I put Katie "on the market" she's going to attract people whom are not suitable for her. That's a lot like setting her up.
I'm considering it because I will not do the "work" that Katie needs to be suitable for those that she attracts. It really has little to do with if I want to do the work or not, I won't. I want to desperately. I can't. That's me, that is not Katie. It's the reality that I am not good enough to give her what she needs to get ready to be suitable. Does that bother me? Fuck yes it does. Does it piss me off that I didn't try harder before with her? Yes it does. Do I think for one second that our relationship, as it stands, under saddle, will ever change? No. Do I blame Katie? God no. Do I blame me? Sure that's obvious however I am becoming more comfortable with the fact that if I wanted to be "good enough" under saddle for a horse like Katie I would be. Truth is, I don't want to work that hard, not right now and perhaps not ever; certainly not soon enough for Katie, and that is the most important part.
I don't think I have ever admitted that.
Another truth is, I don't think Katie is miserable. Katie is well taken care of, a lady on the ground, polite, lovable, great with the kids fussing over her, and has a herd of boys chasing her tail (literally some days). From a mare's point of view...kinda hard to argue with that.
Another truth is, I'm not independently wealthy and as much as I'd love to let Katie live forever in charge of her little world of handsome geldings...
Another truth is, someone else could love Katie and ride her as well. Katie doesn't object to work, quite the opposite. She reminds me a lot of a child who has spent the last two years in Europe :-) She was great today and my lord I love to see her relax and enjoy what she is doing. She tries so hard, you can see it.
Another truth is, it's in the figuring. The battles that come to life when you have to decide if you are making the decision based on their needs or your love for them. That's the tough part. That's the part that sucks ass, that's the part that makes me swear and leaves me without a title even now :-)
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