Let's see if I have the courage to tell Katie's story, rather our story. At best, it will make a little sense to someone, somewhere. At worst I will stumble about the page and eventually feel better. It's a blog win-win.
I fell in love with Katie the minute Teresa took the blanket off of her that very first day. I know that Katie is not the most beautiful, fancy, pony out there. To me however, she was the pony little girl dreams are made of. I forgot that I was not a little girl, I forgot that I had just started this horsey journey, I forgot every piece of advice and wisdom my forty some odd year old self had and plumb fell in love.
It wasn't long before I had no choice but to realize I was over-horsed, in love no doubt, over-horsed no real doubt there either. We were a mere six months into our partnership when I faced it and went ahead and put her in training with the intent to find her a better match and purchase another horse whom was a better match for myself. We were in no real hurry. Tex was here with me and we were having a blast. Katie was in fantastic hands, learning new stuff and also having a blast.
I often wonder, if I hadn't wrestled with with my confidence and various voices in my head back then, would Katie and I have eventually worked it out? Often meaning about once a day :-)
In any case, we were all going along just fine until I lost my job. Katie came home, the intent being we would go back to the original plan after mom had a few months to figure out what to do with herself. None of us, back then, had any idea what the future was to bring us. The original plan fell through, I must admit it fell through because mom (me) went in a direction that dissatisfied the other party. I must also admit that I had more than an inclination prior to moving in the direction.
We were still fine. It had been a series of adjustments. Patch left us. His passing still brings a lump to my throat. Texas left us. Katie and Brody went up to Diamond Hill for a bit. Rev came into our lives and eventually Lou came into our lives.
We are still fine however I find myself, once again, wondering what is right for Katie. I know what's right for the boys, I've known what was right for pretty much every horse I have had here on the farm. Katie's well being is the only one I have ever struggled with. It seemingly always comes down to me thinking (believing) that I am not good enough for her. It creates a most uncomfortable experience for us both. Coupled with my recent bout of "not good enough for any of them cause you let Patch die", my riding Katie just results in us frustrating each other. There is a part of me that thinks she knows me better than I care to admit and as a result she misbehaves just enough to keep me on the ground. There is another part of me that wants to threaten to take her cute little ass to the mat on principal alone (so to speak); it's the part of me that knows if I could turn off the voices in my head and relax long enough to break through this, selling Katie would stop being an option.
My mom has been subject to many "Should I sell Katie to someone who is a better rider" conversations. She asked me once, countering my remark about the money spent on Katie's training, "What are you doing with all your training?". My first reaction was "Me? For goodness sake that the problem, I don't have enough!" What she meant of course, was the training and time I had put into my career, which by the way, I was steadfastly not using, happily I might add.
Did Katie really care that she wasn't "working"? I really don't think so anymore. She is the boss of the pasture, she meanders when she wants, runs when she wants, kicks up her heels when she wants, and has three of the best looking geldings in Kitsap County wrestling for her attention. I don't think Katie cares that she isn't working. Truth be told Katie has almost decided that "work" as far as we're concerned is horse crap!
Did I care that Katie had gotten to the edge of "I'm a horse that does nothing, thank you very much."? Yes. Therein lies the dilemma. Katie is smart, Katie has lot of training on her, showing Katie after such a long time without work is unfair to her and anyone that sees her. All that means is that I have to get off my ass, over myself, and do my mare justice. Climbing out of the hole that I have dug with Katie is kinda gonna blow but she deserves it, and if I were honest so do I.
I fell in love with Katie the minute Teresa took the blanket off of her that very first day. I know that Katie is not the most beautiful, fancy, pony out there. To me however, she was the pony little girl dreams are made of. I forgot that I was not a little girl, I forgot that I had just started this horsey journey, I forgot every piece of advice and wisdom my forty some odd year old self had and plumb fell in love.
It wasn't long before I had no choice but to realize I was over-horsed, in love no doubt, over-horsed no real doubt there either. We were a mere six months into our partnership when I faced it and went ahead and put her in training with the intent to find her a better match and purchase another horse whom was a better match for myself. We were in no real hurry. Tex was here with me and we were having a blast. Katie was in fantastic hands, learning new stuff and also having a blast.
I often wonder, if I hadn't wrestled with with my confidence and various voices in my head back then, would Katie and I have eventually worked it out? Often meaning about once a day :-)
In any case, we were all going along just fine until I lost my job. Katie came home, the intent being we would go back to the original plan after mom had a few months to figure out what to do with herself. None of us, back then, had any idea what the future was to bring us. The original plan fell through, I must admit it fell through because mom (me) went in a direction that dissatisfied the other party. I must also admit that I had more than an inclination prior to moving in the direction.
We were still fine. It had been a series of adjustments. Patch left us. His passing still brings a lump to my throat. Texas left us. Katie and Brody went up to Diamond Hill for a bit. Rev came into our lives and eventually Lou came into our lives.
We are still fine however I find myself, once again, wondering what is right for Katie. I know what's right for the boys, I've known what was right for pretty much every horse I have had here on the farm. Katie's well being is the only one I have ever struggled with. It seemingly always comes down to me thinking (believing) that I am not good enough for her. It creates a most uncomfortable experience for us both. Coupled with my recent bout of "not good enough for any of them cause you let Patch die", my riding Katie just results in us frustrating each other. There is a part of me that thinks she knows me better than I care to admit and as a result she misbehaves just enough to keep me on the ground. There is another part of me that wants to threaten to take her cute little ass to the mat on principal alone (so to speak); it's the part of me that knows if I could turn off the voices in my head and relax long enough to break through this, selling Katie would stop being an option.
My mom has been subject to many "Should I sell Katie to someone who is a better rider" conversations. She asked me once, countering my remark about the money spent on Katie's training, "What are you doing with all your training?". My first reaction was "Me? For goodness sake that the problem, I don't have enough!" What she meant of course, was the training and time I had put into my career, which by the way, I was steadfastly not using, happily I might add.
Did Katie really care that she wasn't "working"? I really don't think so anymore. She is the boss of the pasture, she meanders when she wants, runs when she wants, kicks up her heels when she wants, and has three of the best looking geldings in Kitsap County wrestling for her attention. I don't think Katie cares that she isn't working. Truth be told Katie has almost decided that "work" as far as we're concerned is horse crap!
Did I care that Katie had gotten to the edge of "I'm a horse that does nothing, thank you very much."? Yes. Therein lies the dilemma. Katie is smart, Katie has lot of training on her, showing Katie after such a long time without work is unfair to her and anyone that sees her. All that means is that I have to get off my ass, over myself, and do my mare justice. Climbing out of the hole that I have dug with Katie is kinda gonna blow but she deserves it, and if I were honest so do I.
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