Leonidas AKA, Leo, Mr. Leo, Captain Mouth, Captain Trouble, Gorgeous, Love, My Boy, and of course Baby. Leo knows me better than 99.9999% of the people I know.
Yesterday when I got home I was a little upset and Leo knew it. Never mind that it was the second day in a row where I had been gone for over twelve hours. Two years ago Leo might have found this annoyingly familiar however it has not been his life for about that and as a result he is well within his rights to be upset. We don't do separation well, let me rephrase, we don't do separation often. Yesterday when I got home though, I was upset and Leo knew it. His problems went out the doggy door and he did what he does best, reminded me that no matter what there is someone in the world that loves me without complaint standing right there licking my hand.
I try my very best not to raise my voice in front of Leo. If I do raise my voice he is instantly upset and sets about trying to fix the wrong that has found me raising my voice. That being the case, I try to limit it. Problem is my voice raises, I rarely "yell" however when I am upset I can get animated and it upsets him. I adore him and really don't like him upset so I do what I can to control myself.
Yesterday I must have apologized to Leo five times for my temper tantrum that 99.9999% of the population would not have even noticed. It was a combination of things that wanted desperately to boil over so I ended up doing what I do; I went to the barn, let the horses in the yard, watched them graze and sang to Leo. I sorta pretended to clean the barn, which was clean, much to my disappointment. Yes, I was even upset that I didn't get to clean the stalls. I had been gone from home from 5:45am till 7:15pm for two days in a row, the schedule I had set for myself was proving to be grueling and god damn it I had was looking forward to cleaning the stalls. Not a lot of anything was making me happy right about 7:45pm last night until of course I looked at Leo who was sitting in the middle of the drive way watching the horses and me, respectively. I was bouncing around and doing stretches (of all things) on Brody's gate & singing to Leo. I realized that me continuing to be all twisted up was just going to further upset him so I turned up Kenny Chesney, listened to Brody's song (I believe there is magic) and counted all the reasons why it'd be ok, they'd be ok, and so would Leo.
Without Leo, I'd have blown a fuse, said some of the ugly things that come to mind when I have convinced myself that the world is going to finally fall apart at my feet and it'd all be because I suck. It's a little nutty however I can easily go from "oh shit the cable bill is late" to "I'm going to lose everything, the horses and Leo deserve better, I'm an awful mom and deserve to lose it all, if only I'd stop being so god damn stubborn I could be in an office somewhere making a lot of money, etc..".
With Leo, I turn up Kenny Chesney, take his little face in my hands and let him lick my face, apologize for doubting the world and talk myself off the ledge.
Leo has been saving me since the day I brought him home; yesterday he saved the world for me once again. Figured he deserved kudos. If I weren't so damned tired I'd probably have been more eloquent about it :-)
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